What Does "Feeling Well" Mean
Various Definitions Of “Feeling Well”
The phrase “I am well” can embody vastly different meanings at various stages of life and illness, often serving as a shield for deeper struggles or a denial of reality. “I am well” might unravel into a detailed account of physical ailments and social grievances, highlighting how personal health perceptions and the desire for empathy evolve with age and condition.
My mom hated taking any medications. Even when she would be shaking due to her Parkinson’s disease, she would say, “I am doing very well.” It was really difficult to convince her how taking medication on time and with the right dosage would help her manage the tremors with Parkinson.
My mother’s staunch aversion to medical interventions and her disdain for medications were pillars of her independence, immovable and sacred. “When it is time for me to go, accept it with grace and let me go, don’t fight it,” she would implore, her voice a mixture of resolve and weary acceptance. This mantra of hers, though rooted in a desire for dignity, often stood at odds with my own yearning to ease her journey, to smooth the creases that pain and discomfort etched into her days.
Over time I accepted that when my mom said, “I am well”, I had to completely ignore her shaking and her gut-wrenching cries in a nightmare just moments prior to my question “Are you ok?”. My question in hindsight was more about me, I was not ok watching her that way. I really wanted to say, “It is painful to watch you this way, please tell me how I can fix it for you.”
The lessons gleaned in hindsight painted a poignant picture of our journey, a tapestry woven with threads of love, resistance, and the ever-shifting definition of what it meant to be “well.” In the end, it was not just about managing a disease but about honoring her wishes, about navigating the delicate balance between intervention and acceptance with grace and love.
In contrast, I stopped asking my uncle Sami “How are you?”
As the response from my uncle tried my patience. He would go on for at least five minutes, “I went to the restroom 5 times at night and each time it took me 10 minutes to go …” he would continue with “This morning my bowel movement was way too ….” and would quantify his pain on his various body parts. “My knee is at level 5 today, as compared to about 4.5 yesterday…”
Without taking a breadth and giving me an opportunity to respond, he would transition into how the entire world was after him with poor me stories “If God would just give sense to these large corporations to control the pollution the weather would be consistently like in the past…” and he would then move on to complaints about mere mortals “The neighbors bought a dog and he barks even in the middle of the night, it disturbs my sleep…”
Instead, with Uncle Sami my first sentence in our interaction was “Good morning, Uncle Sam!” with a tone matching Robin Williams enthusiasm in the movie “Good Morning, Vietnam”. I would then continue “It is such a beautiful day, and you look extra amazing today.”. Decidedly, defining the day as “Amazing”!
The Facade of Wellness
Lilian and Nathan’s Story
Lilian’s father, Nathan, was a master at masking his discomfort. Despite his arthritis that had grown worse over the years, he always insisted he was feeling fine. “I’m doing just swell, Lilian,” he would say with a strained smile, even as he struggled to grip his coffee cup.
“Dad, you look like you’re in pain. Are you sure you’re okay?” Lilian asked one morning as she watched him wince while trying to get up from the chair.
“I’m fine, really. Just a little stiff,” Nathan replied, brushing off her concern. He prided himself on his independence and hated the idea of relying on anyone, even his own daughter.
Lilian knew better than to push too hard, but it was heartbreaking to see him struggle. “Maybe we should look into some ways to make things easier for you around the house. What do you think?”
Nathan shook his head. “I don’t need any special treatment. When it’s my time, I’ll handle it my way.”
Lilian nodded, understanding his stubborn pride but also feeling a deep sense of helplessness. She wished there was a way to convince him to accept more help.
In contrast, her Uncle Mike had no problem voicing his grievances. When Lilian visited him, she braced herself for his usual litany of complaints.
“Good morning, Uncle Mike!” Lilian greeted him with enthusiasm, hoping to set a positive tone.
Mike sighed dramatically. “Morning, Lilian. I hardly slept last night. The new neighbors’ cat was meowing all night long, and my back is killing me from all the yard work I did yesterday.”
Lilian smiled, knowing that trying to change the subject might help. “I saw some beautiful bird feeders in your garden. You’ve done a great job decorating!”
Mike brightened a bit at the compliment. “Well, I suppose it does look nice, doesn’t it? But that cat…”
Lilian knew she had to be strategic in these conversations. “How about we take a walk to the park today? The fresh air might do us both some good.”
Despite his complaints, Mike agreed, and during their walk, Lilian noticed he seemed to relax. They chatted about the neighborhood, his garden, and shared some laughs, which lightened the mood.
These interactions highlighted the stark differences in how her father and uncle dealt with their challenges. Nathan’s stoic façade contrasted sharply with Mike’s vocal discontent, and Lilian navigated both with a mix of patience and love, trying to bring some comfort and joy to their lives.
The Optimistic Approach
Avery and Maeve’s Story
Avery’s mother, Maeve, had a unique way of dealing with her chronic fatigue. Despite the obvious toll it took on her, she always presented a cheerful demeanor. “I feel fantastic, Avery,” she would declare with a bright smile, even though she moved with noticeable slowness.
“Mom, you seem really tired today. Maybe you should rest a bit,” Avery suggested gently, watching her mother push through the exhaustion.
Maeve waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, nonsense! There’s too much to do to just sit around. Besides, I don’t want to miss out on anything.”
Avery admired her mother’s spirit but worried about her health. “Maybe we can plan some quieter activities today? How about we sit outside and enjoy the garden?”
Maeve hesitated, but the thought of spending time together was appealing. “Alright, that sounds lovely. But just for a little while.”
Meanwhile, Avery’s Aunt Laurie had no such reluctance to express her discomfort. Every visit with Aunt Laurie, she would use any opportune moment to chime in with her grievances.
“Good morning, Aunt Laurie!” Avery greeted her with a big smile.
“Morning, Avery. My back is acting up again, and I could barely get out of bed,” Laurie started, her face etched with pain.
Avery nodded sympathetically. “I’m sorry to hear that. How about we do something relaxing today? Maybe a nice cup of tea in the garden?”
Laurie sighed but agreed. “I suppose that would be nice. It’s so frustrating to feel like this all the time.”
As they sat in the garden, Avery tried to keep the conversation light and positive. “You know, Aunt Laurie, your roses are looking beautiful this year. What’s your secret?”
Laurie perked up at the mention of her garden. “Just a bit of extra care and some good fertilizer. They do look nice, don’t they?”
Avery noticed how talking about something Laurie was passionate about seemed to lift her spirits. “Absolutely. You have a real talent for gardening.”
Despite their different approaches to coping, both Maeve and Laurie found comfort in Avery’s presence. For Maeve, it was the gentle nudging to slow down and appreciate the little moments. For Laurie, it was the chance to focus on something positive and share her interests.
In the end, Avery learned that while her mother’s and aunt’s definitions of “feeling well” varied greatly, her support and love remained a constant source of strength for them both.
