Declared Incompetent
Declared Incompetent
Noah – Lisa’s Dad
Declaring a senior citizen legally incompetent is a complex and emotionally charged process that often involves court procedures, psychological evaluations, and the potential appointment of a guardian to make decisions on the senior’s behalf. This legal action can lead to significant emotional stress for caregivers, who must navigate family dynamics, legal challenges, and the responsibility of making decisions for their loved one’s care and well-being.
Lisa’s dad had been a gambler for years. When he moved in with her, Lisa began getting calls on her home phone from collection agencies. At first, she ignored the calls or if they would say it was for her dad, she would just hand over the phone to him. When these calls became incessant, she sat down with him and forced him to finally tell her what was going on.
She was amazed to find out that her dad was unable to explain the state of his finances in a coherent manner. That was so unlike him, with the amount of public speaking he had done all his life, she had never imagined him not being able to get his point across.
Lisa then started to listen in on the other line to some of the calls he was getting and found him not much different with the collection agencies. One time she heard him yelling loudly at a collection agency and after he hung up, she saw him with his hand on his heart. She asked him “are you okay dad?” He was visibly in pain and unable to breathe. She called 911. In the ER, the doctor told her that her dad had suffered an anxiety attack.
Lisa then got advice from another friend who had been through something similar. Her friend told her, “You have got to get your dad declared incompetent and take over for him as a conservator.”
Lisa realized after a week with her dad back at home that his mental and emotional condition was not stable enough for him to handle any of his financial affairs. Lisa agonized for weeks about how to approach her dad.
She started by slowly dropping hints and using words like “conservator” in her conversations with him. She would say, “Dad, let me take care of this for you as your conservator.” After hearing her use the word several times, he asked her to explain what the word meant. “It just means that I am your #1 helper, dad.” This was true and it allowed Lisa’s dad to agree to this new arrangement.
Having set the stage with dad, she had to quickly go through the process of getting him declared incompetent and officially become his conservator. She could not take care of any of his affairs without the official document.
This was not a quick process; it took time and required several steps. A court investigator was assigned to interview her dad. A hearing was held with an investigator and a judge.
Sitting beside her dad on the day of the hearing, Lisa’s hand in his, she could feel the weight of the moment. The judge’s words, “declaring Noah legally incompetent and appointing Lisa as the conservator,” hung heavy in the air, a formal acknowledgment of the shift in their dynamic.
While going through the process Lisa was focused on getting herself appointed in that role, but the moment the judge declared her dad incompetent, Lisa broke down into tears. She admitted to her husband, “This is one case I wish I was proven wrong and lost.” That day, Lisa had to begin mourning the dad who had protected her all her life and realized she was now his protector.
In the days that followed, Lisa stepped into her role with a determination that was both inspiring and heartbreaking. Managing her father’s finances, making decisions on his behalf, it was a role reversal that neither of them had ever envisioned.
But it was in the quiet moments, when the noise of the world faded away, that Lisa’s true strength shone through. “You protected me all my life, Dad. Now it’s my turn,” she’d whisper, her words a vow of unwavering support and love.
A New Chapter
Isabel and Zachary’s Story
Isabel believed that her father, Zachary, was an independent and strong-willed man. But when he moved in with her after selling his house, she started noticing small but worrying changes. He frequently misplaced items, forgot conversations, and once even left the stove on overnight.
One afternoon, Isabel received a call from the bank about unusual transactions on Zachary’s account. Concerned, she decided it was time for a serious conversation.
“Dad, we need to talk about your finances,” Isabel said, trying to keep her tone gentle as they sat in the living room.
Zachary looked up, his expression a mix of confusion and annoyance. “What do you mean? I’ve been managing just fine.”
Isabel took a deep breath. “There have been some strange charges on your account, and you’ve been forgetting things. I think it’s time we look at this together.”
Zachary’s face flushed with frustration. “I don’t need you to manage my money, Isabel. I’m perfectly capable.”
“Dad, it’s not about taking over. It’s about making sure everything is okay,” Isabel said, trying to calm him down.
But Zachary’s memory lapses and inability to explain his finances became more apparent. One day, Isabel found him frantically searching the house for his wallet, which he had left in the refrigerator. It was clear to her that he needed more help than he realized.
Isabel consulted with a family friend who had gone through a similar situation. “You need to get a power of attorney or even consider conservatorship,” the friend advised.
Reluctantly, Isabel decided to pursue conservatorship to protect her father’s assets and ensure his safety. She began introducing the idea gently. “Dad, I think it would be a good idea if I help you more with your finances, like your conservator. It’s just to make sure everything is in order.”
Zachary frowned, clearly unhappy. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’ll be your helper with these things, to make sure you’re taken care of,” Isabel explained.
After weeks of conversations, Zachary finally agreed to let Isabel help more formally. The legal process was complicated and involved multiple evaluations and court hearings. On the day of the hearing, Isabel sat beside her father, holding his hand as the judge declared her his conservator.
“The court declares Zachary legally incompetent and appoints Isabel as his conservator,” the judge announced.
Isabel felt a heavy mix of relief and sorrow. She never wanted to take away her father’s independence, but she knew it was necessary to protect him. As they left the courtroom, she squeezed his hand. “We’re in this together, Dad.”
In the following weeks, Isabel organized Zachary’s finances, setting up automatic bill payments and monitoring his accounts closely. She also arranged for a part-time caregiver to assist with daily tasks, giving her father the support he needed while maintaining his dignity.
One evening, as they sat watching TV, Zachary turned to Isabel and said, “I know you’re doing all this because you care. Thank you.”
Isabel smiled, tears brimming in her eyes. “I love you, Dad. We’ll get through this together.”
This new chapter in their lives was challenging, but it strengthened their bond. Isabel learned the true meaning of family and resilience, and Zachary, though reluctant at first, found comfort in knowing he wasn’t alone.
A Complicated Love
Belinda and Susan’s Story
Belinda always admired her mother Susan’s impeccable style and taste, but as Susan’s spending habits spiraled out of control, admiration turned to concern. Susan found solace in shopping, a way to cling to her past self, but it was wreaking havoc on her finances.
One morning, as Belinda sorted through the mail before her mother could get to it, she sighed at the sight of yet another stack of shopping catalogs and sale flyers. Quietly, she removed them and tucked them away.
“Mom, we need to talk about your spending,” Belinda said carefully, trying to keep her tone neutral.
Susan looked up from her cup of tea, a hint of defiance in her eyes. “I don’t see what the problem is. I enjoy shopping.”
“It’s not about enjoying it, Mom. It’s about managing your money. You’ve been overspending, and it’s becoming a problem,” Belinda explained.
“I can manage my own finances,” Susan snapped, her voice rising with frustration.
Belinda sighed, feeling the weight of her mother’s resistance. “Mom, I’m just trying to help.”
To avoid further confrontation, Belinda started intercepting the mail daily, removing any temptations before Susan could see them. She felt guilty sneaking around, but she knew it was necessary.
One afternoon, Belinda found Susan in tears, holding a collection notice. “Why didn’t you tell me things were this bad?” Susan asked, her voice trembling.
“I’ve been trying to protect you, Mom,” Belinda admitted, feeling her own tears welling up. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
Susan shook her head, the fight leaving her. “I don’t know how to stop, Belinda. Shopping is the only thing that makes me feel like myself.”
“I know, Mom. But we have to find a balance,” Belinda said softly. She decided to seek legal advice and began the process of becoming Susan’s conservator.
The process was grueling, involving court visits and evaluations. On the day of the hearing, Belinda felt the enormity of the situation. “The court declares Susan legally incompetent and appoints Belinda as her conservator,” the judge declared, and Belinda felt a mixture of relief and sorrow.
As they left the courtroom, Belinda turned to her mother. “We’ll get through this together, Mom. I promise.”
In the following weeks, Belinda took control of Susan’s finances, setting up strict budgets and monitoring expenses. It was a delicate balance, trying to protect her mother while preserving her dignity.
One evening, as they sat together, Susan looked at Belinda with a mixture of sadness and gratitude. “Thank you for everything you’re doing. I know it’s not easy.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I just want you to be safe and happy,” Belinda replied, her voice filled with love.
Navigating Susan’s spending habits and financial instability was challenging, but it brought Belinda and her mother closer. They found new ways to connect and enjoy each other’s company, proving that even in difficult times, love and understanding could prevail.