Social Obligations
Prioritizing Social Obligations Over Personal Health
Aliya – Lisa’s Mom
An active social life offers seniors a vital support network and a sense of purpose, enhancing mental health and emotional fulfillment. However, its drawbacks, including physical exhaustion and health neglect from a relentless pace, highlight the need for a balanced approach to social activities and self-care, underscoring the importance of setting boundaries to maintain well-being.
Lisa’s mom, with her boundless energy and unwavering commitment to others, often found herself ensnared in the web of social obligations, her calendar a mosaic of commitments that left little room for rest. Her days were a whirlwind of activity, each appointment a testament to her generous spirit, yet this ceaseless cycle of altruism often came at a cost to her own health.
Lisa remembers having many arguments with her mom like this one:
Lisa: “Mom, you don’t sound good, can you please rest today.”
Her mom: “No my dear, I promised Kate I would attend her baby shower, it won’t look right if I don’t go.”
Lisa: “But mom, your body needs rest. Remember what you hear on planes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.”
Her mom: “Honey, you know my view on the issue of rest all too well… Rest is what you do after you die.”
Even though Lisa admired her mom’s caring personality and her love for people, she felt frustrated that she could not convince her mom to take better care of herself.
These exchanges, though frequent, never dimmed Lisa’s admiration for her mother’s caring nature and zest for life. Yet, beneath the veneer of admiration lay a current of frustration, a daughter’s desperate wish for her mother to prioritize her well-being with the same fervor she devoted to her social engagements.
It was a delicate balance, one that Lisa struggled to navigate, her pleas for moderation often lost in the whirlwind of her mother’s unwavering commitment to the world around her.
In a stroke of inspiration, Lisa found the perfect way to gently persuade her mom from her nightly escapades. It dawned on her that our mutual love for reading could be the key. So, she hatched a plan that not only brought us closer but also involved Aunt Mariya in a meaningful way.
“Mom, how about we dive into a new book every two weeks?” Lisa suggested one evening, excitement bubbling in her voice. “Just think, we could explore new worlds together without ever leaving the house.”
Mom was intrigued but a bit skeptical. “And what, just sit around reading?” she asked, her adventurous spirit not quite catching the vision yet.
“Not just reading,” Lisa clarified with a smile. “We’ll have our own little book club. Every other Friday night, we’ll gather and discuss the book. And I was thinking, maybe you could read the book to Aunt Mariya. It could be our special thing.”
The idea seemed to take root, and her mom warmed up to it. “That does sound nice. Mariya always loved a good story,” she mused.
And so, the bi-weekly book club was born. Lisa would select a book, and they would immerse themselves in its pages. When discussion night rolled around, they would get on the phone, put the speaker on, settle in with cups of tea, ready to share thoughts.
“Mom, what did you think about the protagonist’s decision in chapter five?” Lisa would ask specific questions to start their discussion.
“Well, I thought it was quite bold,” Mom would reply, her analytical side coming to the fore. “But, oh, how it added to the story!”
Aunt Mariya, mostly a listener, wore a content smile, clearly enjoying the warmth of our conversation. Her presence, a silent affirmation of our shared activity, added a layer of joy to our gatherings.
This simple yet profound activity transformed their evenings. Lisa’s Mom’s pace of life gently slowed, allowing her to savor the joy of a good book. For Aunt Mariya, it was a connection to us and the stories we shared. And for me, it was a cherished time with two of the most important women in my life.
Our book club nights became a beacon of togetherness, a testament to the power of shared interests and the simple pleasures of life. It was a creative solution that blossomed into a tradition, one that we all started to hold dear.
The Hostess with the Mostess
Pam and Terabitha’s Story
Pam watched her grandmother, Terabitha, transform their living room into a vibrant space filled with laughter and chatter. Terabitha had always been the heart of every gathering, her energy and enthusiasm infectious. Hosting dinners and parties made her feel young again, a stark contrast to the illness that had been slowing her down.
“Grandma, you don’t have to do all this,” Pam said, noticing the fatigue in Terabitha’s eyes. “You should rest more.”
“Nonsense, dear,” Terabitha replied, waving her hand dismissively. “These gatherings keep me alive. I feel like my old self again when I’m surrounded by family and friends.”
Pam admired her grandmother’s spirit but couldn’t ignore the toll it was taking on her health. “But Grandma, you’ve been coughing a lot lately. Maybe it’s time to take a break and let someone else host for a while.”
Terabitha shook her head, a determined smile on her face. “I can’t just sit around, Pam. Hosting these parties makes me happy. It’s not about the work; it’s about the joy it brings.”
One evening, after a particularly lively dinner, Pam noticed Terabitha struggling to catch her breath. She gently guided her grandmother to a chair. “Please, Grandma, you need to take it easy.”
Terabitha sighed, her resolve momentarily faltering. “I know, dear. It’s just hard to accept that I can’t do what I used to.”
Pam sat down beside her, holding her hand. “We can still have these gatherings, but maybe we can find a way to make it easier for you. What if we turned it into a potluck? Everyone brings a dish, and you can still host without all the work.”
Terabitha’s eyes lit up at the idea. “A potluck? That could work. I wouldn’t have to do everything myself, and we could still enjoy these wonderful evenings.”
The following month, they hosted their first potluck. Family and friends brought their favorite dishes, and Terabitha was able to enjoy the party without exhausting herself. She still felt the same joy and connection but without the strain.
“Thank you, Pam,” Terabitha said as the guests left. “This was perfect. I didn’t realize how much easier it could be.”
Pam smiled, relieved to see her grandmother happy and healthy. “I’m glad you liked it, Grandma. We can keep doing this. You don’t have to do it all alone.”
From then on, their gatherings became a collaborative effort, preserving Terabitha’s joy of hosting while ensuring her health and well-being.
The Friendly Host
Walter and Jake’s Story
Walter had always been the life of the party. Known for his friendly demeanor and generous spirit, he loved hosting gatherings for friends and family. However, as he aged, his relentless social calendar began to take a toll on his health.
One sunny afternoon, Jake found his grandfather setting up for yet another backyard barbecue. “Grandpa, you just had a party last weekend. Shouldn’t you take it easy?”
Walter chuckled, waving off the concern. “Jake, these parties keep me going. I love seeing everyone happy and together. It’s what I’ve always done.”
Jake frowned, noticing the strain in Walter’s movements. “But Grandpa, you’re not as young as you used to be. You need to take care of yourself, too.”
Walter paused, his smile fading slightly. “I know, Jake. But if I stop, I’ll feel like I’m giving up a part of who I am.”
Later that week, after a particularly exhausting party, Walter collapsed in his chair, visibly worn out. Jake, worried, sat beside him. “Grandpa, this can’t go on. Your health is more important.”
Walter sighed deeply, the reality sinking in. “You’re right, Jake. But what can I do? I don’t want to stop seeing everyone.”
Jake thought for a moment. “What if we rotate hosting duties? You don’t have to do it all the time. We can take turns, and you can still enjoy the company without all the work.”
Walter nodded slowly. “That might work. I’d hate to give up these gatherings completely.”
The following month, Jake hosted the first of the new rotating parties. Walter was able to relax and enjoy himself without the pressure of organizing everything. He laughed and shared stories, the same as always, but without the exhaustion that usually followed.
“This is nice, Jake,” Walter said, sitting back with a satisfied smile. “I can still enjoy the parties without wearing myself out.”
Jake grinned. “I’m glad you think so, Grandpa. We all want you to be happy and healthy.”
As the months passed, the family continued to rotate hosting duties. Walter remained a beloved figure at each gathering, his presence bringing warmth and joy. He learned to balance his love for socializing with the need to care for his health, a compromise that allowed him to enjoy many more years of happiness with his family.
