Living Alone At Home
Living Alone at Home
Noah – Lisa’s Dad
As individuals age, their homes may no longer offer the safe haven they once did, especially if their mobility or cognitive abilities decline. It becomes essential to recognize when it is no longer safe for someone to live alone, necessitating alternative living arrangements or increased support to ensure their safety and well-being.
When Lisa’s mom moved in with her aunt, her dad was adamant that he would live in the house by himself. Since her dad did not like to cook, Lisa had to figure out a solution for meals. After trying many options, she finally found a nutritionist willing to come to her dad’s home and cook for him five days a week. Lisa had a freshly made meal delivery company deliver the meals for the other two days. Knowing that her dad expected freshly cooked meals daily, this was a must solve problem.
In the three years that Lisa’s dad lived alone, she felt like she tried everything under the sun to try and convince him to move. She brought him to her home for a vacation; she went and visited him by herself; she had her husband visit him for a “man-to-man” conversation; she had her kids write letters; she had his doctor tell him; she took him to visit active retirement communities. None of that worked.
He was stubborn and set in his ways. She kept trying different things because each time he would say, “Let me think about it,” and follow that up with a lot of questions. His analysis paralysis on this subject drove Lisa nuts.
He always had a list of reasons prepared why he was completely capable of living on his own, most of them were to deflect the topic and change the subject. Sometimes, he would also try to interject some humor. The most memorable ones were:
“I can cook for myself just fine, as long as cereal counts as cooking.”
“I’ve mastered the art of multitasking: watching TV, napping, and forgetting why I walked into the room, all at once.”
“My housekeeping skills are top-notch; I call it ‘organized chaos.'”
“I exercise daily by jumping to conclusions and running late. You really like this one don’t you.”
“I’m perfectly capable of socializing. I argue with the TV news all the time!”
“I’ve never had a fire in the kitchen. The smoke alarm is just very sensitive and enjoys going off for no reason.”
In the meantime, his big house was getting run down both inside and out since he was not able to care for it. If Lisa would send someone to take care of the garden or clean the house, he would fire them and then tell Lisa, “They just weren’t doing it right, even after I told them how I wanted it.”
After he was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and he was on heavy painkillers, he became very depressed. One day he overdosed on medication. Lisa kept calling him all evening and when he did not answer, she finally called a neighbor to go knock on his door. When he still did not answer, they called the police to come and break in. They found him unresponsive in bed. He was taken to the Emergency Room and hospitalized for a few days.
They were trying to determine if it was a suicide attempt or if he had genuinely forgotten. He convinced everybody it was just a mistake.
While he was in the hospital Lisa told him, “Dad I am not asking you this time, I am telling you that you are moving in with us. I have started packing up already and have booked your tickets. You are coming and staying with us. It is a one-way ticket, and we will figure out what is best for you once you have fully recovered.”
This decisive moment marked a new chapter for Lisa and her father, one where she took the reins, driven by the unshakeable conviction that his safety and health were paramount. The move, while born out of necessity, opened the door to a period of healing and adjustment, a time to explore what the future held for him within the safety of his family’s embrace.
A New Companion
Remi and Walter’s Story
Walter had always been fiercely independent, a trait that only grew stronger after his wife passed away. Despite Remi’s constant pleas, Walter insisted on staying in his home. “This is where I belong, Remi. I can take care of myself,” he would say.
Remi, concerned for his well-being, tried various solutions. She hired a home chef to prepare meals for him three times a week and enrolled him in a meal delivery service for the other days. She also arranged for a house cleaner to visit regularly. But Walter’s stubbornness made it hard to keep help around. “They just don’t do it like I want,” he would complain.
Remi’s worries increased when she noticed the garden was overgrown and the house needed repairs. She visited frequently, bringing her friend Mike along to help with household chores. “Dad, Mike can help fix that leaky faucet,” Remi suggested.
Walter waved them off. “I can manage. I’ve been doing this for years.”
One day, Remi received a frantic call from Walter’s neighbor. “Remi, your dad is not answering the door, and his car is in the driveway.”
Remi’s heart sank. She rushed over to find Walter unresponsive. They called an ambulance, and he was taken to the hospital. The doctors said he had accidentally overdosed on his medication.
While Walter recovered, Remi took charge. “Dad, you’re moving in with us. We can’t go on like this. It’s not up for debate.”
Walter, weakened and understanding the gravity of the situation, nodded. “Maybe it’s time for a change,” he admitted.
Remi moved Walter into her home, arranging for Mike to continue helping with household chores. Walter adjusted to his new environment, finding comfort in Remi’s company and the familiarity of Mike’s visits. Although he missed his independence, the warmth and care of his new living arrangement brought him a sense of peace.
A Fresh Start
Christine and Miles’ Story
Miles had always valued his independence, especially after his wife passed away. Despite Christine’s concerns, he refused to move. “This is my home, Christine. I can manage just fine,” he would insist.
Christine tried everything to ensure her father was safe and comfortable. She hired a nutritionist to cook meals for him five days a week and arranged for meal deliveries on the weekends. She also enlisted the help of a house cleaner to keep his home tidy. But Miles was resistant to change. “They just don’t do things the way I like,” he would grumble.
Miles’s house began to show signs of neglect. The garden was overgrown, and the house needed repairs. Christine visited often, bringing her neighbor Estelle to help with chores. “Dad, Estelle can help with the garden,” Christine suggested.
Miles dismissed the idea. “I’ve been doing it myself for years. I don’t need help.”
One evening, Christine received a call from Estelle. “Christine, I haven’t seen your dad all day, and he’s not answering his phone.”
Panic set in. Christine rushed over to find Miles unresponsive. They called an ambulance, and he was taken to the hospital. The doctors explained he had accidentally taken too much of his pain medication.
While Miles recovered in the hospital, Christine made a decision. “Dad, you’re moving in with us. We can’t keep going like this. It’s not safe.”
Miles, realizing the seriousness of the situation, reluctantly agreed. “Maybe you’re right, Christine. Maybe it’s time.”
Christine moved Miles into her home, arranging for Estelle to help with the garden and household chores. Miles adapted to his new environment, finding joy in his grandchildren’s company and the comfort of being close to family. Although it wasn’t the independence he once cherished, it was a safe and loving environment where he could thrive.