Lisa’s loner dad would have considered someone watching him day and night a complete invasion of his privacy, but at the end of his life he didn’t even notice. 

It was clear how much Lisa struggled with the idea of imposing constant surveillance on her dad. He had always been a private person, valuing his independence above all. But as his condition worsened, the need for around-the-clock care became undeniable. 

Lisa wrestled with this necessity, torn between her father’s desire for solitude and the pressing need to ensure his well-being. Yet, it was a choice made out of necessity, a silent promise to keep her father safe, even in her absence.

Lisa had to hire round-the-clock caregivers to essentially sit and watch her dad sleep for ninety-nine percent of the time. He would sometimes sleep for days and then wake up at an odd hour needing to use the restroom. 

Given that Lisa’s dad needed coverage seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day, Lisa hired eleven caregivers during a nine-month period. The reason for the high turnover was that she could not pay them as much as they could make elsewhere. 

She remembers saying, “I know you are worth a lot more, but this is what I can afford. I can give you room, food and let you use my car, but I cannot afford to give you a higher wage.”

It was hard to find someone willing to do that, even when most of the time there was nothing to do. She hired students, people looking for a place to live, people looking for a second job, and a mom and daughter duo. 

With the big gambling trip, he took with his friends before his health started declining, her dad had wiped out a big chunk of his savings. Seeing how excited he was about the trip, Lisa never thought to discuss setting a limit on his gambling funds before he went on the trip.

A few months into the round of clock care, his bank balance was rapidly depleting. 

Lisa, in a state of panic, was sharing her challenges with a friend, who suggested that she may want to look into the county program that pays vetted caregivers directly to take care of low-income seniors. 

A few weeks later her dad got approved for the program. They approved fifteen hours a week, which was by no means enough. She fought the ruling that was based on a visit by a county assessor. 

She got a note from his doctor citing his lack of judgment while doing various activities of daily living. 

She also created a log with columns for date, time, activity (such as meal preparation, bathing, medication assistance), duration of each task, specific difficulties or needs encountered, caregiver actions taken, and additional notes reflecting the senior’s mood, behavior changes, or any incidents. This log methodically tracked the daily care requirements and any emerging needs, offering concrete evidence for the necessity of increased support hours.

It was still not enough to cover the over 720 hours a month needed, but it certainly helped. The difficult part was finding someone that was county approved to provide the service. Some of the challenges included: availability, willingness to drive to my home, willingness to just sit and watch my mom sleep. 

During sleepless nights, Lisa reflected on the journey that had brought them to this point. The roles had reversed, with Lisa now the protector, a guardian for the man who had once been her steadfast and powerful defender.

Despite the constant vigil, her father remained largely unaware of the extent of his care, his moments of clarity fleeting amidst the fog of his condition. Lisa found comfort in believing that, in his mind, her father still enjoyed the freedom he so cherished.