Not in the Same City
City Far Away
Sami – My Uncle
A vast number of family caregivers are thrust into the role of caring for their loved ones in distant cities, places where they have no ties and little knowledge of available resources. The knee-j**k solution is often to bring their family members closer, but orchestrating such a move can be a Herculean effort, fraught with logistical and emotional hurdles.
Navigating the complexities of caregiving from a distance presented a labyrinth of challenges, with Uncle Sami’s staunch independence and skepticism of external help at the forefront. His litany of complaints about the caregivers and resources I managed to arrange from afar became a recurring theme.
Trying to inject some modern solutions into his life, I found caregivers and daily help online. “Uncle, I’ve found someone to help with the groceries, and another for the garden,” I’d announce, hoping for a spark of interest.
His responses, though, were always a masterclass in skepticism. “Too expensive,” he’d start, warming up to his favorite pastime—complaining. “Not trustworthy. And don’t get me started on punctuality. Or lack thereof.” Then came the zingers: “One smells like a perfume factory, and the other laughs like a hyena. Next!”
His reliance on painkillers for his myriad aches was a constant worry. “Uncle, how about a doctor’s visit? A massage chair, perhaps? Or a physical therapist?” I’d suggest, hoping to suggest something to pique his curiosity.
“No, no, and definitely not,” he’d shoot back with a facial expression of a child who only likes candy being served a plate of boiled brussels sprouts.
Then, the inevitable happened. He took a tumble down the stairs in pursuit of his beloved painkillers. “I was almost there, and then whoosh! Down I went,” he’d recount with a dramatic flair worthy of Broadway, not the ER.
That fall led to a hospital stay, where they discovered his prostate cancer. “They’re keeping me for tests,” he informed me, a note of surprise in his voice.
Navigating his cancer treatment from afar was like trying to conduct an orchestra over the phone—chaotic and slightly off-key. The idea of moving him to San Diego was met with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for root canals.
But then, a conversation about California’s real estate market with a nurse who’d swapped her California townhouse for an east coast mansion caught his attention. “You did what now?” he asked, incredulous.
When he narrated her story with a large dollop of unbelief, I responded with confidence “Yeah, Uncle. My place has doubled in value in 10 years. Your house, on the other hand, is the same value you paid for about 20 years ago.”
“Double, you say?” His interest was piqued, not by health, not by proximity to family, but by the $ signs propping up his house value.
Armed with graphs and charts on my next visit, I made my case. “See? Moving here isn’t just good for your health; it’s a financial windfall waiting to happen.”
The prospect of a financial boon did what no amount of pleading could. Before I knew it, we were house hunting in San Diego. “I suppose the weather’s not too bad, either” he conceded, as if the endless sunshine were a minor perk compared to the real estate market.
And just like that, Uncle Sami’s great Californian adventure began, fueled by visions of property appreciation. Lesson learned; you just need that one right reason that aligns with your seenagers value system to convince them to change.
Aunt Winona’s Journey
Jenny and Winona’s Story
Jenny had always been close to her Aunt Winona, who had raised her after her parents passed away. Aunt Winona was a vibrant woman who loved gardening and volunteering at the local animal shelter. But as she aged, her health began to decline, and Jenny knew she needed to step in.
“Aunt Winona, how about moving in with me? I have plenty of space, and I can take care of you,” Jenny suggested during one of her visits.
Winona shook her head, her eyes still filled with the spark of independence. “I appreciate it, dear, but I don’t want to be an annoyance. Plus, I love my little garden and the community here.”
Jenny sighed, understanding her aunt’s attachment to her home. But she couldn’t shake the worry. Winona had already had a few close calls, including a fall that left her with a broken wrist.
One day, Winona mentioned her difficulty in maintaining the garden. Jenny saw an opportunity. “Aunt Winona, what if we found you a place with a community garden? That way, you can still do what you love without the heavy lifting.”
Winona looked thoughtful. “A community garden, you say? That doesn’t sound too bad.”
Jenny researched and found a lovely retirement community with a vibrant community garden. “Look at this place, Aunt Winona. They have gardening clubs, social activities, and medical staff on-site.”
Winona seemed interested but still hesitant. “I’m not sure, Jenny. Leaving my home is a big step.”
Understanding the emotional attachment, Jenny visited often, helping with the garden and gradually introducing the idea of moving. She even arranged a visit to the retirement community.
Upon visiting, Winona saw the thriving garden and met residents who shared her love for plants and animals. “This place does seem nice,” she admitted.
After a few more visits and seeing the positive environment, Winona decided to move. The transition was emotional but smooth. Winona found joy in the new community, sharing her gardening knowledge and making new friends.
Uncle Ron’s New Adventure
Jason and Uncle Ron’s Story
Jason had always admired his Uncle Ron, a former pilot who loved traveling and exploring new places. But as Ron aged, his adventurous spirit was hindered by health issues that required constant monitoring.
“Uncle Ron, how about moving closer to me in Phoenix? The weather’s great for your joints, and I can help you with your appointments,” Jason suggested.
Ron shook his head. “Phoenix? It’s too hot for me. Plus, I’ve got all my memories here.”
Jason understood his uncle’s reluctance but knew he had to do something. Ron had recently had a scare with his heart, and living alone wasn’t safe anymore.
During a visit, Jason noticed Ron struggling with the stairs. “Uncle Ron, what if we found you a nice place with easy access and no stairs? Plus, there are lots of activities for retirees.”
Ron looked skeptical. “Activities? Like what?”
Jason pulled out his laptop and showed Ron a retirement community in Phoenix with an aviation club, a fitness center, and social events. “Look at this, they even have a group that meets to talk about travel and aviation.”
Ron’s eyes lit up. “An aviation club, you say? That does sound interesting.”
They decided to visit the community. Ron was impressed by the facilities and the friendly staff. “This place is pretty nice. And I wouldn’t mind being around other folks who share my interests.”
Still, the idea of leaving his home was tough. Jason visited frequently, helping with daily tasks and discussing the benefits of the move. He also arranged for Ron to meet some of the residents who shared their experiences.
Eventually, Ron agreed to move. The new environment provided the care he needed and a social circle that reignited his passion for aviation and travel. Ron thrived, sharing his stories and enjoying his new life in Phoenix.
The transition brought a new sense of adventure to Ron’s life, and he embraced the change with enthusiasm, finding joy in his new surroundings and activities.